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SPEAKER: Molly Seidel is one
of only three American women
to medal in the Olympics in one
of the most brutal of events–
the marathon.
Perhaps what’s even more
remarkable about Molly is
her success in overcoming
a series of mental health
challenges.
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MOLLY SEIDEL: Having lived
with various forms
of neurodiversity and mental
illness
since basically childhood,
I feel right now that I’m
in a place where, obviously,
with this kind of stuff,
you’re never like, quote
unquote, “cured,”
but I feel in a much
better and more stable place
than I’ve been in a really
long time due to taking
a step back over this last year
and really putting
in the work and the time
to focus on it.
And I think that’s probably
the most important part
of dealing with these kinds
of things.
The funny and gnarly thing
about any
of these mental disorders
and what I’ve experienced
is that it almost seems
like a game of whack-a-mole,
that when you whack down one
thing
or when you feel that you’ve got
a handle on one thing,
it jumps to another thing.
So when it’s not–
when it’s not
like obsessive restriction,
it turns into bulimia.
When you get rid of the bulimia,
it turns into restriction again.
Then that turned back
into– it’s– that’s the
frustrating part that if–
and what it took me years
to figure out that if you’re
just trying to treat
the symptoms
and not addressing
the underlying causes of some
of these things, it will just
tend to jump from diagnosis,
to diagnosis, to diagnosis.
And I got the–
my two main diagnoses just are
the ADHD and the OCD.
Obviously, it was years apart
for the two of those
and it took longer to identify
the ADHD.
But it came with such a sense
of relief and knowing of just
like, oh, my God there’s
a reason why I feel the way
that I feel and maybe I’m not
just thoroughly messed up
and thoroughly a terrible person
because your brain just works
a little bit differently.
And I think a lot of that came
with a deep sense of shame
for me.
And that was the hardest part
of just being I don’t know why
my brain just can’t work the way
that other people’s brains work.
And especially– I think
especially with the ADHD–
the OCD was one because that was
more of a pathology, kind
of just being like, OK, this is
something that I really need
to work on and improve,
this is a disorder.
Whereas with the ADHD
it came with this sense of just
like, oh, my God,
this makes so much sense.
I think that was the most
freeing thing and the thing that
has gotten me to the place
that I am now of being like,
OK, there are specific lifestyle
changes that I can make to make
sure that my brain works
optimally and then they worked.
I wish that I had been more
vocal about exactly how I was
feeling earlier and it might
have gotten to the solution
a lot earlier.
Because I think– especially
as women, a lot of us
are willing to almost like
gaslight ourselves of just being
like, oh, it’s not really that
bad.
And then you look objectively
at it and you’re like,
no, this is actually objectively
pretty bad and there has to be
a better way to live than this.
I’m a pretty big nerd when it
comes to this stuff,
so I enjoy learning about it
and I really enjoy trying–
reading medical papers,
trying to figure out stuff,
doing my own research,
especially
as it comes to some
of these alternative techniques
for treating ADHD.
So having a basic level
of competence with that I think
has really helped.
But then I think just
at this point,
having been through pretty much
the better part of–
being through 10 years
of working
with different therapists
pretty consistently,
learning the dialogue,
learning the–
basically just getting a better
understanding of how my brain
works.
And I think that ultimately is
the point of therapy is learning
to have a better relationship
with your own brain
and understanding the mechanisms
by which your brain works.
I think that’s been the most
helpful thing to be able to be
a little bit more confident
and trust in myself to know
the things that I need to be
doing.
And maybe some aspect of it is
being able to take ownership
of not just expecting that I’m
going to go to a doctor
and they’re going to give me
a pill and that’s going to fix
everything.
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